From lost to new insight 

On January 21th of this year I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. 

I started this new year optimistic with the thought and idea of a beautiful new blessing after a storm and I lost my baby. 

Four week prior too her lost, I felt assured and worry free after seeing her there and hearing her heart beat. I relaxed and allowed myself to become excited. However earlier during the week of the miscarriage my little darling came to me and I felt heat in my womb and felt the energy that resided within leave my body. 

She told me her name was Alana and she couldn’t be born in this vessel because the life she is purposes for wouldn’t succeed in the body that was growing inside of me. In other words her life would be short lived due to a disease that would have shorted her lifetime. 

I understood but it still hurt like hell. She was a life with a life force. Even with having a few days to mentally prepare myself, I still took her leaving me hard. It just goes to show that even being a born psychic medium with the abilities to heal, I still suffer and endure what everyone else experiences in life because I too am a spiritual being having a human experience. 

For all the Mother’s out there that have had miscarriages my heart goes out to you and just know it’s going to be okay. It’s not silly that the lost follows heart on your heart after so many years has past. It was a lost of a love one, you lost your baby and that child was a life that existed. No matter how far along you was it was still a lost of life as hope and possibilities. 

I share this with you only because I felt ashamed and like I failed and many thoughts have passed my mind of “if I had done something different because it was something that was out of my control. Things in life will happen that will be out of your control but don’t focus on the things you can’t control but know your limitations and worry about things you do have control of. 

I couldn’t bare the thought of discarding her remains as medical waste so instead I placed her in a container in this Peace Lilly Plant ( that has been repotted) as a resting place. 

I love you, thank you and namaste 

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Ending of 2016 

We ended 2016 celebrating my little boys 3rd Birthday and throwing him an amazing party in Scottsdale, AZ McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park. Of course my little guy and his guest had an wonderful times with activities, carrousel and train rides around the park. 

Ending it with a birthday song with a Thomas the Train cake, he may not remember it however it was priceless for his father and I to put another memory into our memory bank of things to cherish and a story to tell later. 

Zachary and I are blessed. Together we brought a strong willed brilliant little boy into this world, whos only purpose in life at this moment is to be loved unconditionally, to laugh, learn, grow and be nurtured. 

We are not a family perfect family. I don’t believe there is a such thing. What I do believe in is self perfection and growth. We are learning everyday in our lives. We just have to be willing to accept that lesson we are learning and not take each other for granted. 

Our little boy is happy and healthy, and we have to keep in mind that even though he is three years old, he is learning the value of love and family as we speak. Our little ones are born observers. Their first few years in life, we are laying down the foundation for them in life so they can chose the material they need to build with. 

If you have a growing family and the road seems to be a little bumpy. Just take a step back and breathe, look at your road map and see where the road you choose s leading you. If it’s not the road you wish to be on, then sit down with your partner and make a choice to be on the same page to take that road together and find a way to communicate. 

I am happy to be sharing my son’s third birthday pictures. There was a moment where this family was almost no more but we celebrated another year as one. It’s not just about our son. It’s about all of us and being content. 

Thank you